The High Cost of Weddings Is Not a Scam But We Do Have a PR Problem And Here’s Why…
I was at a neighbor's party last weekend surrounded by people I hadn’t met before. There were the usual niceties, which led to what we all did for a job. The minute I mentioned the weddings industry, I knew I had hit a nerve. "Weddings are such a scam," the first guy started in. I stood there quietly as one by one, most of the people within earshot chimed in to share the same sentiment– "price gouging" "what a racket" "who would do that" and on and on...
I waited. And then did what I always do when I hear that type of thing... I simply explained why that just wasn't true.
I walked them through the example of going out to dinner at a nice restaurant and reminded them of how much they probably spend on a simple night out and then asked them to do the math. You want to invite all of your friends to that dinner but then you want to have your favorite custom drinks and menu–plus change the way the room looks and sounds according to your own personal timeline?
They understood my point, but there's no denying it: The level of mistrust, misalignment around budget expectations, and growing divide between the ultra luxury and the “average” wedding in our industry has created PR problem.
But where is it all coming from? I think there are a lot of reasons for it and here are three big ones….
The Wealth Gap In America Has Gotten Bigger & The Weddings at the Top Have Gotten Bigger Too
Weddings are really more or less a reflection of the country’s class structure. And over the past three decades, the wealth gap in America has widened.
According to a 2024 CBO report, in 2022, families in America’s top 10% held 60% of all wealth, up from 56% in 1989. Families in the top 1% held 23% of the nation’s wealth in 1989, which has now grown to 27%. In contrast, the share of wealth held by the group occupying the 10% to 40% range saw their portion shrink from 37% of the nation’s assets to 33%. Families in the bottom half of the distribution held just 6% of all wealth in both 1989 and 2022.
TLDR; The rich have gotten richer while the assets of most middle class families have dwindled.
What does all of that have to do with wedding costs? It means that the families with the most money have more money than ever before. And it’s no wonder that weddings have become even more extravagant, with bigger budgets than ever before too. For the majority of couples in the middle class, the concentration of wealth at the top also means a concentration of resources and suppliers at the top.
It’s not the weddings industry trying to price gouge couples. It’s that these small businesses are trying to operate within today’s landscape, which includes…
A limited inventory and seasonality (number of ideal, available wedding weekends per year)
Inflation (think flowers, decor, tents, rentals, paper, et al)
Rising cost of labor (post pandemic, labor costs ballooned and worker availability plummeted)
AND the growing divide between the ultra wealthy and the rest of the country.
As a result, more businesses than ever before are catering to the luxury and ultra-luxury sector of the market.
2. Wedding Magazines Are Practically Non-Existent (It’s All Up to the Algos)
As an editor of a weddings magazine and website for more than a decade in the aughts, let me tell you — we may have not gotten it all right but we felt like we had an obligation to create wedding planning content designed for all our readers.
That meant that while we would feature the super extravegent high-end weddings, we would also feature weddings with geographical, stylistic, and cultural diversity.
We would write articles about why a cake with sugar flowers cost so much more than a buttercream grocery store cake. We would put together segments for the Today Show on how to get the look for less and where to splurge and where to save. As the gatekeepers of content on wedding planning, we felt like it was our role to reach out and help all types of couples plan their weddings.
But as the publications died out so did the gatekeepers. In its place came influencers—both brides and wedding vendors—all in it to share and showcase their little piece of the industry. And now it’s up to the TikTok and Instagram algos to decide what’s popular in weddings. And do you think the aglos care that the weddings that trend are all representative of the ultra luxury? Yeah no.
3. MOST Social Media Weddings Are Featuring The Top 1-5% Making Couples Feel Like Their “Dream” Weddings Are Unattainable
As a result of number 2, it’s highly likely that an unassuming young couple planning their wedding in America today would see those weddings online and assume that that is what most weddings look like. What they don’t know is how much those weddings cost. And what’s even worse is they have no way of knowing what an average wedding really even looks like!
All is not lost! Accounts like Nantynarking publish real budgets to help bridge the gap between expectations and reality.
But so much more needs to happen in order for couples to understand that the weddings they are seeing online and on TikTok are the not the average, are out of budget and tkktkt.
